As I sit here tonight, I have to admit, I have been feeling a lot like Moses when God asked him to go and set the Israelites free. Genesis 3:11″Who am I that I should go to Pharoah that yo may bring my people, the children of Israel, out of Egypt?” This past few months I have felt like this and as we gain steam ahead with Woven2Gether I feel more and more like this. I am truly in over my head, but I am glad my God is not in over his head.
I fell in love with God in such a fresh way when I was reading George Muellers testimony. He as a man that once God got ahold of him He was sold out for the rest of his life. He made a decision early on to only ask God for what he needed, he would never ask man. He knew God said He heard his prayers and would answer them and George believed God. It is said that George Mueller raised over 7 million U.S. dollars this way, in the 1800’s. It wasn’t even the money that caught my heart it was the daily miracles George lived in because of the faith that he had.
I had asked God to make me todays George Mueller, a light to the world that our God is truly the same yesterday, today and forever and it is Him alone that we need to bring our needs to. When I asked God this, he responded to me with these words, “Can you go where he went, to see the miracles he saw?” I stopped for a minute and I had to think about what God meant. God had taken George to empty on so many occasions and I mean many many occasions. But God never forsook him and He always had what he needed. He saw God move fog in minutes so he could attend a meeting on time, as he traveled by ship. He saw God provide a meal for 200 orphans, after they sat at the table and prayed and gave thanks for food they didn’t, cubboards bare and no food or drink in the house. But they ate, as a bread maker came and a milk truck broke down in front of his house.
I truly want faith like that but right now I feel like Moses. “But Moses said, I am not elequent, either in the past or since you have spoken to Your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue….Oh my Lord, please send someone else.”
I feel so inadequate but I try to remember God is more than enough to do what He has planned to do. He always accomplishes His will, but other voices drown out that one sometimes. This is real life. The real journey. It is hard but God is with me. I don’t know how this will all work out but it will. I am clinging to his garment and I am not letting go!
Walking in faith when you cannot see, that is harder than it is when you sing about it, read about it, talk about it versus having to live it on a daily basis. Whether it is health concerns, time management concerns, to many things to do and only one me, finances, missing home and family. Trying to heal from a broken family that you don’t know will ever again be repaired. Trying to homeschool full time, yet start a ministry. I am asking God if He is sure he got the right girl for this job? Maybe lines got crossed somewhere, haha.
What I love most about what God is doing, is the discipleship classes I get to teach. I teach 5 days a week to different groups. We just read the bible, dig deep, listen for God and trust Him to open hearts to His truth and I am seeing lives transformed before my very eyes daily. Jesus. I could talk about Him forever. The one who loved me when I wasn’t enough. The one who loved my in my brokenness and sin. They one who saved me while I was His enemy. The one who loved my inspite of my past. The one who paid my debt. I am so unworthy to be so blessed to share His light with the world. We may even get the opportunity to get on the radio for our discipleship class which could reach hundreds of thousands. God is so good and He wants people to know who He is and how much He loves them and what He did to save them. That is the joy of my life! I am not perfect, I am actually quite broken, but that is why I love God so much because even in spite of that He allows me to be apart of His redemptive plan.
The verse He gave me so long ago as I struggled to answer the call to serve Him in Uganda, “If the readiness is present, I find you acceptable according to what you have, not according to what you do not have.” 2 Corinthians 8:12. He showed me that He wasn’t worried about what I didn’t have, He just wanted to use what He did give me to advance the gospel. That helped me realize it wasn’t about me but about a God who just wants to use me.
Moses finally went and did what God asked and he saw great signs and wonders. His walk wasn’t perfect and he made mistakes but He walked closer with God the most people will ever know, for God spoke to him face to face as a friend. So I know my journey will not be perfect and I will make many mistakes, yet I know I serve a God who is bigger than all I could ever mess up and that He is great at making beauty from ashes. So I lean in and hold on for the ride, sometimes with my eyes closed, holding my breath!
I want Him to take me to the deep, no matter how I have to get there. Please pray for me as I move forward, I am scared but I will not let fear determine what I do. Please pray for that God gives me wisdom and discernment of all the decisions that have to be made as we get ready to get up and running, this includes hiring staff, renting an office, getting a vehicle that can go into the village, start discipleship over the radio, expanding discipleship classes and potential pastor trainings and more. But this should give you plenty to pray about. Haha. Thanks for praying. Thanks for loving. Thanks for supporting.
If God has asked you to do something bigger than you know you can do, don’t let fear stop you. He is big enough and its always all about Him. The God who has proved Himself faithful since the beginning of time and will be faithful through all eternity. Step out of the boat, into the deep, onto the water and walk with Jesus wherever He leads. Time is short and we don’t get redo’s.
I want to be able to say to God when He sees me, “I have glorified you on the earth, having accomplished the work you gave me to do”, John 14:17. I also want to be able to say, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” 2 Timothy 4:7 and I can only pray that one day my Father will say to me,His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant.[a] You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.” Matthew 25:21!